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woke this mornin feelin lonely
woke this mornin all alone
i'll return to you my lover
in your arms where i am known

i have wandered long from your room
i have wandered far from home
please forgive me, i'll come quickly
back to you my precious one

now the sun hangs high above me
riverside i kneel to drink
thoughs of our young love together
wet my tounge and my sorrows sink

as i enter the town of my youth
friendly faces on the main
familiar places seem to wisper
love has brought you home again

evening settles down upon me
walkin down that country lane
a million crickets all procaliming
you'll taste your lover's kiss today

late at night i see your window
i see your house up on the hill
wherfor someone you've left the light on
for me i hope your love burns still

my heart is beating like a drummer
steppin onto your front porch
wonderin if i should have come here
before i knock you open the door

oh, lover, lover I adoroe you
tell me do you love me still
my eyes look down before you answer
allways have and allways will

when you touch me I feel human
when you touch me I'm alive
let our union not be broken
ever with you i'll abide

Christian!

The meaning of the term “Christian” is ambiguous these days; I think if you went out into the streets and interviewed people you would get all kinds of different responses. I wonder if most people who call themselves Christians would agree on their communal identity; let alone how people outside of the Christianity view us. The ironic thing about being a Christian is that we have exactly what the world needs, but we don’t market it as such. We Christians let our fellow humans see our moral superiority, our exclusivity, in some cases out wealth and political influence; all the things that they can attain on their own more easily without the help of a Savior. Seriously, who wants Jesus when he appears to give us nothing more than a cheap imitation of the things we can get on our own. If we want to be attractive, rich, influential, or respected it makes more sense not to take on the baggage of Christ’s teachings. If you have ever read the gospels you know that Jesus said things like “blessed are the poor in spirit” and “turn the other cheek.” Now how is teaching like this ever going to help you get ahead in this dog eat dog world?

That is a very good question to consider, because I think the answer you get when you seriously look at Jesus’ life and teachings is, “It’s not.” Jesus never meant for us to succeed in this world because this world is messed up. He came to start a new world, with a different set of rules; that treat everyone according to their inherent worth rather that their performance. This is what the world needs and this is what we have access to when we get to know Jesus. This is the Kingdom Jesus talked about and it is exactly what we Christians are so reluctant to let the rest of the world see.

Why are we holding out on people? I heard someone say once that what we do is what we believe. So if what we do is try to justify ourselves to the world through politics, science, wealth, whatever, than we must believe –at least in part- that justification is not found in God alone. And then if we do not introduce people to Jesus’ Kingdom, where there is healing and restoration, and true peace and love, we must not believe –at least in part- that God is not going to deliver as promised. We don not trust him because we do not know him; and if we don’t know him can we really call ourselves Christians?

I love what Thomas Merton says in The New Seeds of Contemplation about Christianity being a revolution. He says that the full truth of Christianity has been revealed in the man Jesus Christ but no one has fully understood it or lived it. So to follow Jesus is to begin a perpetual state of death and resurrection that propels us towards unity with God. We can be sure then, that once we feel like we have “got it” we most certainly have not; and that “getting it” is a place somewhere in midst of acknowledging our inability to get it.

Saved!

Some thoughts after watching the movie “Saved”.

Following Jesus is less about what philosophies or doctrines we subscribe to and more about what we do and how we treat one another. God did not send his son to earth so that we can have a club to join or a springboard for our own broken religious ideas. Jesus is not a platform to lift us up in font of others, winning their praise and acceptance. He didn’t come to start a religion, but rather to start relationships. He is actually the one being in whom we can experience complete acceptance and security; as we are no strings attached. People set up conditions for acceptance. We Christians say we love everyone but what is the application of this? It is not love if we only include the people who include us. That is co-dependency. Love is always giving without questioning. It is identifying ourselves with those who are hurting, because we hurt; and doing what we can to dress their wounds. When we know love –that is to know the one true God who is love- we know that our needs will be met by our God, and that we have no need to be in want for anything. When we realize this truth we are freed from our attachment to ourselves and can attend to the needs of others.

When we find ourselves in community with others who realize this truth our needs are also met through our relationships with other people. Here our motivation is not the expectancy for others to do the same for us, but expectation of God’s provision. We can give without expectation of return from other people and we can not be disappointed when people do not treat us the way Christ instructs us to treat them. Our security is in knowing that God supplies whatever we need, either thought other people or directly from his hand. The greatest way to live is like a bird eating out of the Creator’s hand.

If you have seen the movie “Saved” you might remember the scene where Mary is returning home from visiting Planned Parenthood. She stops in front of a church building with a cross on the side facing the street. With her hands open she looks to the cross and bears her heart to Jesus. “Shit…fuck….God damn.” She defiantly speaks. She feels like God has tricked her. She realizes her social status and image is ruined. She has no one and nothing to hide behind and she is exposed before God. I love this scene and how it plays out. In time she may realize that she misunderstood God’s message and in fact He had not forsaken her; but in the moment she felt betrayed. In the end of movie everything works out. Mary has her baby. Hillary Fay is reduced to tears and realizes how much pain she caused people. Maybe I like this scene so much because I have been there. I have been in that place where I felt like an ass for believing like I did; for thinking I could trust God. And like Mary I realized down the road that my slump was in fact due to my impatience and verdant relationship with my God; that God did in fact have plans for my life and that they we completely other and wholly more beautiful than I could have ever imagined them.