anniversary

this week was 29th birthday and what would have been my 4th wedding anniversary. i love the changing of the seasons from summer to fall, but as a result of my breakup nearly two years ago, this time of the year seems inseparable from a lingering darkness. i don't share this to generate anybody's sympathy or pity; if any such feelings should arise as you read this i would ask you direct those feelings into a prayer as that is certainly the only positive use for them. my reason for writing about this is in attempt to make sense of my feelings; to reconcile my pain with the character it has produced in me. as much as i feel ive changed over the past two years i have to admit i am a bit impatient with the pace and depth at which this change has occurred. i feel like i am a different person, but the old me is still very near by, on a shelf within arm's reach; and i pick it up from time to time when my desperation becomes too irritating. my back is still stripped with the lashes of desire. i feel like im somewhere in the midst of a race and my legs are burning and i want to quit, but i know there is nothing in store for quitters so i consent to finishing. my consolation is that even the Saints were such only because of how aware they were of the chasm that existed between themselves and God. in light of this it makes sense that two years of healing has made me more aware of my brokenness than ever before. being aware of my own sickness is hard. so many people pretend to be healthy that it has become the status quo. for those of us who have been kicked out of the illusion we feel homeless. im glad that jesus said that he came for the sick and not the healthy. this is how i know he loves me when it is hard for anyone else too.

greatness

I woke up the other day with a Jeff Anderson song in my head; which I must say is a pleasant way to start your day. As I got out of bed I thought to myself, how much I would like to record an uplifting worship album that would bless people. In immediate response I heard God speak to me in the small voice in my mind and he said, "You will not bless anyone by what you do or what you create, you will bless people because of who you are." I understood this to mean that being a blessing to others is the result of being the person God has called me to be, and that my accomplishments are not as important as the character that develops in me while following God's will. It is about obedience and faithfulness to God; following him first and only my dreams as he places them in my heart, and even then for his glory and not my own. Greatness in not earned by attaining earthly status, but in allowing oneself to be transformed in to the likeness of Greatness.

bumperstickers

"It God's responsibility to forgive BinLaden, it ours to help him make that apointment." USMC

seriously, thats what it said. aparently whoever thinks of slogans for the Marines has never actually read the Bible.
alternatly...

"War is not ProLife"

I like this one, despite the fact that its drenched in popular liberalism. Think about it for a second. When did we randomly decide that the Bible teaches double standard? Certainly when Jesus said all that stuff about loving your enemies and praying for those who persecute you he just meant other Christians; the people we see on Sunday morning. What he forgot to mention is what we all know, that a government should never be run acording to his teaching because we would be invaded, our houses burnt and our cars stolen. Either Jesus forgot to mention this double standard or maybe he's just not to be taken so literally. i mean he's a great guy and all and he can get you in heaven, but he doen't really understand how things work in the real world.
do you realize how insane this is? do you not think Jesus was particularly bright? he is GOD. he knows everything. Can we trust him with our cars, our houses, our country? I think the better question is, would we willingly give up all these things in a second if he asked us too?
what does the the United States of America hope to gain by securing its place as the world's leading superpower? Certainly not the Kingdom of Heaven.

brontosaurus

most famous of the dinosaurs
greco name means thunder lizard
a herbivore grazing planes
digestion aided by a gizzard

you may have traveled once in herds
nomadic clans of the jurasic
enormous tails swung in defense
gentle giant dino classic

in movies longneck Little Foot
you set our saurus loving hearts aglow
Transformers' Sludge the Dinobot
and in song by ELO

originally a fabrication
by Othniel Marsh in presumptuous haste
a borrowed skull from Camarasaurus
to lead the paleontologist's race

some say you're really Aptosaurus
and these men of science may ignore us
but your fans will express in chourus
to us you're allways Brontosaurus

R.I.P. Waylon Jennings Starcher

Yesterday, Waylon Jennings Starcher left this world to live in some special place God has prepared for his creatures. A recurring bladder obstruction made it necessary for him to have an expensive surgery that still could never guarantee his permanent well being. The difficult decision to put him to sleep was made by his mom, Jessica Starcher. Please, keep her in your prayers during this difficult time. Waylon was loved and remembered for his affectionate disposition and his insatiable appetite for attention; his thumbs, and his crossed eyes. He was the first cat I ever loved as if he were my own. We will miss you Baby.











Please feel free to leave you thoughts and prayers as comments to this post.

one word for...

A Beatles Moment
Originally uploaded by daniel starcher.

these lists are fun and often revealing. This one was lifted from word on
the street is

yourself = known
your partner = unknown
your hair = faux-hawk
your mother = stable
your father = gentle
your favorite item = larrivee
your dream last night = interesting
your favorite drink = ale
your dream home = concrete
room you're in = mine
your pleasure = creating
your fear = failure
where you want to be in 10 years = there
who you hung out with last night = sammy
what you're not = finished
your best friends = empowering
one wish list item = 30d
your gender = boy
the last thing you did = showered
the last thing you ate = bagel
your life = ascending
the last person you talked to on the phone = pflug
who are you thinking of right now = myself

Dan at the Midnight Cafe

Dan at the Midnight Cafe
Originally uploaded by fensterbme.

Our selfishness is like a monster living inside of us. It pains us unless we feed it, yet it is never satisfied. In fact the more we feed it the larger its appetite becomes. We harbor and care for this monster from our birth, and unless we know Love –which is its nemesis- we may never know any greater pleasure than feeding the monster to avoid the pain. The degree to which we know love is the degree to which we experience pleasure without obligation to selfishness. Painful as it may be, the monster will eventually die if we starve it. Torturing us from the inside, the monster will wage a battle of will. Love is our only weapon empowering our will to endure pain and starve selfishness rendering it increasingly weaker. In time, Love will endure; because it not the opposite of selfishness, but its antidote.

untitled

woke this mornin feelin lonely
woke this mornin all alone
i'll return to you my lover
in your arms where i am known

i have wandered long from your room
i have wandered far from home
please forgive me, i'll come quickly
back to you my precious one

now the sun hangs high above me
riverside i kneel to drink
thoughs of our young love together
wet my tounge and my sorrows sink

as i enter the town of my youth
friendly faces on the main
familiar places seem to wisper
love has brought you home again

evening settles down upon me
walkin down that country lane
a million crickets all procaliming
you'll taste your lover's kiss today

late at night i see your window
i see your house up on the hill
wherfor someone you've left the light on
for me i hope your love burns still

my heart is beating like a drummer
steppin onto your front porch
wonderin if i should have come here
before i knock you open the door

oh, lover, lover I adoroe you
tell me do you love me still
my eyes look down before you answer
allways have and allways will

when you touch me I feel human
when you touch me I'm alive
let our union not be broken
ever with you i'll abide